Love Hate

original by cikjijah ive been thinking lately.. ase cm buang mase je asek nk sakitkan ati org n diri sendiri.. i always wanted to grow up.. but somehow..im not... whether im not ready or im not aware wats grow up means.. huh..i felt like im exhausted rite now.. exhausted to quarrel..n acting stupidly.. now..i realized wat have i done.. thinking only bout my interest.. whereas others suffer more... i wanted to be a new person.. somehow my feet doesnt step into it? how.how.how... i cudnt walk alone,.. im weak.. i need help.. oh God...please send me someone to guide me.. please send me the person.. whom can guide me..thru my day n nite...thru my sorrow n happiness.. if the person is the one.. i wish they know that im here.. waiting for them to come n bring me.. to the right path..

original by cikjijah i always tot dat u were the nice guy.. i always tell good to people about u... n to wat i ustd at that time you r such a nice person... n now.. when i knew all these.. i wanted to take back wat ive told those people.. i feel like im lying to them... arggg,...im so mad that i've regret knowing you... n yet you tell me that i still loving you? bullshit!!! im not even falling for those weak word no more... wat we have before i tot it was special n meant for us only.. now dat i know ur bullshit.. i wanted all the memories we have to be deleted right away... argghh..so damn mad.. u can say wat eva u wish.. but im no longer have those kinda feeling to u... maybe its a gud thing dat ive added you there.. so you can see how happy i am here..with my new guy.. what have i done??? n ya..mak was rite... i chose a wrong man to become husband.. lucky me..i dun take a further step to it.. n im lucky i decided to give him a chance to make me happy.. and wallaaa... here i am.. ...

original by cikjijah baru tadi... nampak.. org tu.. habaq,.. dia nk nikah dh.. hm.. nk kata sedih tak jugak.. yela.. pnh bkasih ngn dia.. tp xde la cm asyik benor cinta tu.. pnh gak dulu dia mintak.. bg peluang kat dia sekali lagi.. ckp dia dh berubh pe sume.. tp xsgka plak.. dia btul.. idk. i still dun believe him.. he still got settlements with me tho.. so..i still dun believe him.. n wont forgive him for wat he had done.. anyway.. actually entry ni.. nk gtaw i jeles je.. byk gle membe nk nikah.. kak neno..budak tu.. my jaty.. sape g.. yg dh kawen pun byk gak... adoi2.. jeles2.. giliran i bila g? huhu... tnya bf la kan? bla yang? lmbt g la..hahaha... sbr2 ek.. yela..sbr la ni... huhu...sabar tak ikhlas taw.. hahah..kengkawan len bila nk nikah? asek aku je yang kene tnye nih.. busan ar...cm aku sorg jer yg xnikah2 g.. pdhl melambak jer kat luar tu... korang plak?bila?

original by cikjijah last nite i slept a lil bit late.. waiting for the clock to strike 1200.. altho it may have no meaning at all anymore.. but i feel like Abah is still there.. waiting for the birthday wishes.. n i've gave him the best present i ever tot of.. together we celebrate Mak n Abah birthday.. plus..mother's day celebration.. ive made a cake.. actually is ready made.. just pour some choc..n sweet..dats all.. n ive cook steamy red fish. fried fish lime.. n simple cabbage.. but we all dig em up very much.. even nenek was happy... tho she didnt eat the cake.. lol.. i wanted to cry last nite.. but i made it thru... all i want is mak to be happy.. even when im far.. thats all...

original by cikjijah hari ni mak menangis di hadapanku.. bukan kerana rindunya pada abah... tak perlulah diluahkan disini sebabnya.. masalh biasa yg semua keluarga juga hadapi.. aku hnya mampu menenangkan hatinya.. dengan nasihat yg sekadar penyembuh duka disaat itu.. baru pun selesai satu masalah.. dtg pula masalah lain.. tak henti2 masalah menimpa mak.. mengharapkan pagar, pagar tak boleh harap.. apa lagi aku? aku xmampu dan xbisa meringankan bebanan mak.. aku hanya mampu bserah saja nasib kami.. rumah besar ini.. kosong bagi aku.. tiada riuhnya lagi.. tiada tawanya lagi.. hanya tangis teman malamku... karna itu aku lebih rela merantau.. kerna aku sendiri pedih melihat tangis ibuku.. karna aku sendiri sakit melihat darah dggku seperti itu.. seperti dia.. dia yg ku pernah anggap penyelamat di masa depanku.. namun.. itu dulu.. hari ini.. anggapan ku berubah sama sekali.. setiap kali aku memandangnya.. aku jadi hiba.. aku jadi marah.. aku jadi kecewa.. malah bertambah2 kekecewaan yg ku...

original by cikjijah what i wish when i came home the other day is... to make surprise for whom i love the most.. my family... but somehow.. what i wished for.. lasted for just second after i arrived home.. the quarrel begun.. and the cries started.. the shouting and all.. its like a drama.. it all just begun to part.. a happy surprise.. became a sad drama.. how i wished that all this would come to end.. but surely.. not today..