Parenthood and I

Date: 22nd Mar 2017

I woke up early at dawn to perform Subh prayer. While praying, I noticed a small burst down my vagina and i thought OMAIIIIIGOOOOODDDDD this is itttt!!! My water broke abit. Then another little burst. After the prayer I told my mom. She panicked and told to pack all up and go to hospital.

I quickly took a bath and have some light meal. Called my husband that basically on travel in Sibu that day. He jumped off his bed and took a bus back to Bintulu. By 7am he was on his way back.

Reached hospital and the inspection begin. It was a little bit complicated than expected coz I've done my antenatal check up in panel clinic in Miri and few in Bintulu but then I decided to go for delivery at General Hospital. The previous clinic check up I did not do or took any 'sugar water' (I dont know what they call it in English basically Air gula in Malay) to check whether I am having any diabetes or not.

My baby was bigger than expected when the first doctor scanned my big tummy. She told me., I may need to schedule for c-section that day. She called another doctor to check. A guy came in and told me the same thing. They both told me my baby is big and a normal delivery will be very risky. The scanned measurement show he was 4.16kg by 38 weeks 4 days. So the c-sec was scheduled at 1230pm later that day after 6 hours fasting. Informed my husband and he was excited because he will be in time for the delivery.

I have heard a lot of stories about c-sec. Mostly, they said you wouldn't feel anything. So I was ready. Although I was a bit nervous.

1240pm
Finally I was pushed to operation theatre. The feeling became more and more real. I looked and my husband's face then my mom. I was nervous but excited at the same time. Finally, I will be meeting him for the first time. My little bunbun.

1.45pm
I finally heard a baby cries. But during the c-sec operation, it was hell. The doctors pushed my upper abdomen, I dont  know why, maybe he was stucked or pulled something inside of me. Serious shit I can feel it. Sakiiitttttt gila ok. I was holding on to the operation table. My body literally felt like someone jumping up and down on me. It was a seriously no joke people. I have been cheated on. But maybe my baby was big. He weighted 3.77kg on the day he was born. His height was 50cm and his head was measured 35cm.

2 hours later, I was pushed to maternity ward. Finally will be seeing my husband and my mom and lasr but not the least my baby. The nurse showed me a couple of second when i was in the operation theatre.

3.45pm
I finally out from OT. The nurse put on cloth on my baby. It was the nicest feeling in the world when I finally met him. My husband took him and put my baby in his arm and started to Azan. But before he managed to do so, he stared at the baby and cried. I guess a happy cry.  I was crying too. I hold my husband's hand and said it is okay....

That....my dear is only the intro. The real struggle happened from 23rd to 1st April.

23rd Mar 2017
The nurse keep telling me to feed my baby. Although I dont have any tiny drop milk on me. But I keep pushing my babh to latch on my breast hoping that he would suck it. But he is just a new born baby. He couldn't do it. Pity my baby. He was hungry and I was hopeless. Keep praying that we could go home in the next few days.

But hope is just a hope. My baby was diagnosed with jaundice and low sugar level and we were told to stay a bit longer to observe and cure the jaundice.

And basically the stress became more real when I had to pump my breast hoping that there are some milk in there to feed my baby. He basically starve for the first few days. Poor my baby. He is big so his tummy needs more milk than other baby. And my husband dont want to feed him formula milk and he decided to buy electric pump for me to ease my struggle. Alhamdulillah I felt a little bit relief.

26th Mar 2017
However, they took ny baby and put him at Special Care Nursery because there are 2 readings of his sugar level that basically hit tooo low that week. And the doctors were concerned and plus he had quite high jaundice.

The struggle became more tense, the nurse there told me I need to feed my baby every 3 hours. And I was like, what?????

I need to keep on pump my milk out since he can't latch properly yet. So, I did came every 3 hours that day. Imagine without rest. I can only sleep less than an hour. Set my alarm before I sleep and wake up again to feed him. Apuuuuu.. it was too much on the first day. I almost faint. World felt spinning that day. My husband never fail to visit me every day and every visiting hours. Am glad he is there to share the stress. Cried on his shoulder that day.

27th Mar 2017
I visited him again to feed him that morning and suprised to see him with an oxygen hose. The doctor told me his heartbeat was too fast and thus they put an oxygen hose under his nose to help him breathing. It was nothing major. But my husband were worried. He cried looking at our baby. Poor baby.. He was on antibiotic as well because apparently he had 'jangkitan kuman'.

28th Mar 2017
His sugar level stabilized and he was finally discharged from SCN. But he still have jaundice. So he still have to do the phototherapy treatment. I was happy that I dont have to keep on visiting him at another ward. As long as I can see him beside me. . I is kenot feel my leg. 

29th Mar 2017
The female doctor told us that we can now stop the phototherapy and see if the result is ok, we can be discharge.

30th Mar 2017
Nurse came in with phototherapy machine again after blood test earlier that day. I was pissed for a second. I finally had home vision in my head but seeing phototherapy machine again I was devastated. My husband too. But as long as my baby is healthy, I am ok. I will stay as long as the doctor need us to.

31st Mar 2017
Finally the doctor informed us that he can be discharge the next day after final antibiotic intake. We felt relief. Abit.

1st Apr 2017
Finally we were discharged but the nurse says we still need to come back to hospital to check his jaundice. Apparently he was still having it at 12.1 when we discharged. 

2nd Apr 2017
Checked and it became 12.8. We were worried..the doctor told us to check again the next day at Klinik Kesihatan. So  we did.

3rd Apr 2017
The result was 10.2 Alhamdulillah it became lower but still we need to come again after 3 days to check again. Doctor told us that it is normal for baby that took antibiotic treatment have slower result for jaundice. So we were relieved. Later that day, my husband went to JPN to register our son's birth. We named him Izaac Yassier.

6th Apr 2017
We went again and the result was 8.7. It should go below 5. But it wasn't. We worried again. But he was diagnosed for prolong jaundice and doctor told me to keep on feeding him with breastmilk. So I did. The doctor told us we need to take blood again and urine sample. We need to come back again for his one month checkup and they will inform us on the result.

At first it was ok. But it seems like each day he demanded more milk. From 40ml to 60ml. And now 80ml. I could not keep up with the demand. I stresses alot and cried feeding him. I worried that his jaundice will not cure because of me. Because I cant feed him. It was too much.  so my husband told me that we need to buy formula milk. We will use it on situation like I am having low milk day. It helped a lot. I usually give him on wee hour when he cries and I couldn't manage to reheat the milk stock on time.

We will know his jaundice result on 25th Apr 2017.

Send prayers for Izaac ya. Hopefully everything goes well. InshaAllah. 

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